In the aftermath of L’affaire Weinstein, and in the face of the rise of the #METOO movement, navigating the already dangerous shoals of interpersonal relationships has become a whole lot more complicated for us guys.
No wonder then that when a dear friend posted the following query on her Facebook page it elicited several hundred responses :
“LADIES! Should a man ask permission for a 1st kiss? Hot or not? Have rules changed?”
I confess I had to think about it awhile, since its been a number of decades since the issue has had any personal relevance to me, (although I think, back in the day, I was probably more inclined to beg forgiveness afterwards than ask permission beforehand, ) but the conversation on Facebook was lively and interesting, with several wags suggesting that the only safe course for a fellow to follow would be not only to ask, but to get it in writing , with her signature on a lawyer-drawn “Consent to Kiss” form. As soon as I saw the post, I knew my duty was clear-I must protect my Bros, by crafting such a form. So, guys, here it is- no need to thank me- we’ve got to stick together, ya know! – just buy me a beer sometime.
CONSENT TO SNOG
(Guy- insert your real name here )
(Hereinafter the “Snoggor”)
(insert name of object of your affections here )
(Hereinafter the “Snoggee”)
WHEREAS: Snoggor intends to invite Snoggee to participate in certain activities more particularly defined herein, ( the “Defined Activities”) and wishes to confirm Snoggee’s informed and enthusiastic consent to such activities;
AND WHEREAS Snoggee warrants that she is of full legal age (as defined by the Age of Majority Statute of her Province of principal residence, and/or the Criminal Code of Canada);
AND WHEREAS Snoggee is aware that the Defined Activities carry with them certain inherent risks, included, but not limited to, feeling of euphoria, unexpected metabolic or physiological changes, transmission of disease, risk of developing interpersonal relationships, which can occasionally lead to matrimony, and further that Defined Activities are gateway activities, which may lead to participation in more intense activities, including, but not limited to nuzzling, licking, groping, fondling, and/or Hanky Panky.
WITNESS that Snoggee, by affixing her hand and seal hereto as of the date hereof does :
hereby consent to participate in one or more of the following Defined Activities and releases and saves harmless the Snoggor from and against any liability pertaining to participation in the Defined Activities
(select all that apply)
a) a kiss ( French ? or English?)
b) multiple kisses
c) other associated and incidental activities
Dated at ____________ in the Province of British Columbia this day of 2017
(Snoggee sign here ) _____________________________
- definitions – for the purposes of this consent and release form Defined Activities shall mean and include a kiss/snog/smooch/or tonsil hockey involving interfacing passionately with another being, creating a field of physical obsession and focused arousal centered on the lips, mouth and tongue, and in the Territories a=of Nunavut, Northwest Territories and Yukon, may include, mutatis mutandi, the rubbing of noses.