Posts Tagged With: etiquette

Whither Esquire?

All the fuss recently in the courts and the legal profession generally about modes of address, honorifics, and pronouns has made me somewhat nostalgic for the ‘good ole days’, when a younger person might respectfully address an elder by their surname with a conventional prefix, and when my correspondence and pleadings were always signed with the suffix “Esquire”.

When I was first called to the bar the practice was practically universal, when corresponding with another lawyer, to use the courtesy title of ‘Esquire”, as well as to claim it for oneself. According to Wikipedia “Esquire was historically a title of respect accorded to men of higher social rank, particularly members of the landed gentry above the rank of gentleman and below the rank of knight.” Somehow, in North America the title was co-oped by the legal profession, to signify a fully qualified and licenced lawyer.

Of course, in those days the law was still a male dominated profession, and, as a group, we were supremely unconcerned with the issue of gender inequality, so were untroubled by the fact that ‘Esquire’ from its murky medieval origins onwards, has always been a male title- until the day the first female lawyer rode into our small town.

Kathy Downs ( later Madame Justice Kathleen Downs of the British Columbia Supreme Court,) was Harvard trained, smart as a whip, and puzzled by the conceit of male lawyers appending “Esq.” to their name at every opportunity. (She was also puzzled by the second doorway to the Globe Hotel, the local watering hole for young lawyers, which still bore the “Ladies and Escorts” sign over its portal, but she barged in anyway, unescorted.)

Over beers she posed the question to the assembled brain trust- “”so, if you guys are esquires, what title do I use?” The question sparked much lively debate, fueled by many rounds of draft beer, but in the end, remained unanswered. That is, until the next Chambers day.

In our small town the court held “chambers” once a week, where lawyers would assemble in front of the local judge to process all manner of procedural and interlocutory matters. It was as much a social event as a legal one, as every firm in town had a myriad of mundane matters that required rubber stamping by a judge, so we all attended, and gossiped while awaiting our turn. It was there that we learned that Kathy had answered her question all by herself.

Her case was called, and Kathy rose to address the court, but was cut off before she could begin by a stentorian roar from the bench.

“What, Miss Downs, is the meaning of this!” demanded the judge, staring down over his bi-focals, waving Kathy’s Notice of Motion furiously about.

Feigning ignorance, Kathy demurely inquired what he meant.

“This pleading is signed by “Kathleen Downs, Lady“- you are referring to yourself by the title of “Lady”- now explain yourself!” Whereupon the judge was treated to a feisty, but well researched treatise on the origin of the term “esquire,” and the lack of a feminine equivalent, which ended by Kathy posing to the court the same question she had put to her beer guzzling colleagues.

The judge, evidently disgruntled that the rising tide of feminism had finally breached the sanctity of his court, straightened his back, and proclaimed:

“That will be for others to decide, but madame, I can assure you that, in this court room-

YOU ARE NO LADY!”

Like most of the lawyers who were present in chambers that day, I quietly dropped the habit of using the title esquire thereafter. Its usage seems to have faded out generally, since it must be two decades since I’ve been addressed as a Esq., although I am told that several states in the US cling religiously to its use to designate properly licenced practitioners.

It is one of those anachronisms that dwindle harmlessly away, unmissed in day to day life, but randomly recalled on a rainy afternoon, when reminiscences of younger times and court rooms far away bubble to the surface.

Whither Esquire indeed!

Categories: Etiquette & manners, humour, law, Reflections | Tags: , | Leave a comment

Wither Emily Post?

Back in the 1950’s a fixture on my parents’ bookshelf was “Emily Post’s Etiquette”. It was the definitive guide to everything involving manners or decorum. If you needed to know which knife or fork to use at a state banquet, or how to properly address an ambassador or a bishop, Emily was your source.

I am told that the book is still around, now into its 18th edition, and updated for the digital world by Emily’ s descendants, but somehow it seems to me that the world has become so incredibly complex that propounding rules of etiquette may no longer be possible. At the very least, a new set of rules is sorely needed.

What triggered these musings was a spat of obituary announcements that have shown up recently in my Facebook feed, and my consternation as to how to deal with them.

The first was the easiest, as it announced, not unexpectedly, the death of a very dear family friend, at the venerable age of 101. The announcement, via Facebook was tasteful, and welcomed, since those of us affected by the passing are scattered across the continent. There was no question that I would post a comment, but I baulked at clicking the “like” button as well. Surely one should not “like“ the announcement of someone’s death?

The next was a bit more difficult, a guy I had paddled with on an extended trip two summers ago, and a last-minute no-show for this year’s expedition. He passed suddenly, a day after our last Facebook exchange, bantering about the missed trip.  He died with many friends and acquaintances, but little in the way of close family, certainly no-one that I knew. Not knowing the actual circumstances of his death I didn’t want to blunder in with an inappropriate comment, and certainly didn’t want to appear to be applauding his death with a big thumbs up. To whom was I paying my respects m and, would it be disrespectful to say nothing at all?

Then a business acquaintance posted an announcement of his father’s passing. I had met his father once, years ago, but didn’t feel that my tenuous connection to him made any type of comment appropriate, although I still wanted to reach out to the son. What to do? Barge in with a post, or simply “like” the announcement, or use a silly emoji to try to express myself.?  Again, I find myself resistant to the idea of using an emoji to recoqnize someone’s death.

The last was more difficult yet, It was a local politician, whom I scarcely know, except via social media, and the odd political event. She was announcing, in somewhat coded language, the sudden and devastating loss of her son, whom I had never met. My suspicion, from the language of the post (later confirmed) was that the child had perished as a result of a drug overdose. How to respond, in order to comfort a very nice lady, using the limited tools in Facebook’s toolbox ?

It is, I suggest, past time for a new tome on etiquette, to help those of us who struggle with using social media in a respectful and caring manner. Perhaps Facebook needs to expand its repertoire of available responses, to include  some which are a bit more  formal than a contorted happy face. Or perhaps, we should just eschew social media entirely in such circumstances, and dust off our copy of Emily Post. Emily, I’m sure, would counsel a kind word, a handwritten note, and a comforting hug.

 

 

Categories: death and dying, Etiquette & manners, Reflections | Tags: , , | 1 Comment

Reflections upon being a gentleman

When I created this blog over 5 years ago, I chose the title  “A Gentleman’s Relish” with a distinct nod to the English gentleman.  This now endangered, if not extinct, sub-species has always had a certain cachet with me. As a busy professional I have found it intriguing to contemplate a life where  money was no object, and one could fill ones days with leisure pursuits, Continue reading

Categories: Etiquette & manners, Politics | Tags: , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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